Sometimes, we need to count on ourselves. We all have these moments where we ask “What am I living for?” or “Why bother?”. For me, it’s when I feel like a failure and that nothing is going my way. In those moments of self-doubt, it’s time to remember how much you can do if you just put your mind to it! You are capable of great things and the world needs YOU so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
What does count on yourself mean?
We live in an age that celebrates autonomy and self-determination. We’re told that if we want to accomplish anything, it pays to count on ourselves. But what does this really mean?
What does counting on yourself entail? What are the benefits of self-reliance? Is there a downside to being too reliant on oneself?
It is easy to imagine that self-reliance is a trait like a hand size or a shoe size. It exists in the realm of binaries – either you have it or you don’t, and once you have it, that’s it. In reality, though, there are many different types and qualities of self-reliance.
Know Your Worth
To really count on yourself, you need to know your own truth. It’s not that this trait is necessary for every other item on the list (it seems like all are related in some way), but it serves as a baseline, so to speak. You can’t really be open to outside input or feedback unless you first realize what your internal truths actually are. If you’re going to go up against the world, you have to know where it hurts.
If you don’t yet know yourself well enough, I highly recommend doing some sort of introspective questing into your own motivations and desires. Whether this means hanging out with strangers who ask invasive personal questions or traveling somewhere new that lets you immerse yourself in another culture are up to you – just get out there and find out what makes YOU tick.
It’s a very rewarding process to go through.
When you do find out what you really want, it will likely feel like a great burden has been lifted. Once you know who you are and what makes sense for YOU, the rest is easier. You can focus more on achieving your own goals and simply ignore those things that don’t interest or appeal to you.
That way, when opportunities come up where they might interfere with your objectives, they’re easy to avoid because of their incompatibility with your higher truths – in other words, most things won’t get in your way if they’re not part of who YOU are! Also…
Know others’ truths as well!
The more honest people are about themselves and their motivations, the easier it is for you to trust them. Don’t lower anyone’s self-esteem or make fun of them, but be aware that people are mostly acting the way they do out of a sincere desire to express something about themselves.
A person who is rude and abrasive all the time might not actually want to hurt your feelings, but instead, have a fear of rejection as the root of their behavior. A friend who always seems envious may really just long to feel better about themselves because they’re bad at accepting compliments.
The more we can empathize with people’s true motivations, rather than judging them for how things come off, the easier it is for us to live in harmony with others – this shows that we respect them and their autonomy!
Understand that you are not alone
To know your truth and count on yourself, you also need to be aware of other things that are true. For example, if you’re the kind of person who relies on others a lot, then knowing what drives them and how they think will help connect with them because you can appeal to their desires and needs.
Likewise, when relating to people like yourself (i.e., people who rely on themselves), understanding yourself better helps both parties empathize with each other, which leads to tolerance and even appreciation for one another’s strengths – in short, it builds community.
Know Your Values
Values are the ultimate guidelines for any decisions we have to make. They establish our standards for behavior in life and serve as the basis by which we judge our actions. It is important that your values be congruent with your goals, otherwise, you are doomed to suffer from constant self-doubt.
Why work towards something if it is contradictory to one of the most basic things that make you who you are? Unlike feelings, which often change due to circumstances, values tend to stay stable for any given person.
Even people who apparently have few qualms about behaving unethically or immorally usually still believe in having integrity and treating others with respect. Just think of highly successful scam artists; even though they will take advantage of anyone they can get away with ripping off, they almost always follow a code of ethics by not stealing from each other.
For example, let’s say that maintaining a certain image is one of your values. If you then find yourself in an environment where people are acting a lot more casually than they are at home because it’s expected there, no matter how much you may want to fit in you feel like an imposter and alienate those who get too close – even though that wasn’t your intention! This can be avoided by determining what behaviors make up the core of who you really are.
Some might be:
- Maintaining high regard for dignity and courtesy (i.e., being self-respecting)
- Following through with commitments (i.e., being trustworthy).
- Being open to new experiences (i.e., seeking out opportunities to explore).
In this case, your goal would be to reach a good balance between appearing casual and not having others see you as pretentious. If you are very confident in who you really are, then being able to act “less formal” does not compromise the value of respecting yourself; it is simply an expression of that value!
To know your truth and call on yourself, it is key to practice self-compassion. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we are bad people for being imperfect, or forgetting how far we have already come in life. If you focus on all your failures instead of seeing them as an integral part of becoming a well-rounded person, this will prevent you from growing and moving forward.
Accepting ourselves reminds us that it’s okay to make mistakes – they are simply opportunities to learn!
Acknowledging our successes helps motivate us to continue improving because we gain confidence from knowing what we can achieve when we set our minds to it.
As I mentioned earlier, feeling like you don’t fit in with others is one of the most common sources of anxiety. When you start feeling bad about yourself, the negative feelings tend to snowball into more bad feelings.
Appreciating what you are doing right now (even if it’s only a little bit) but also remembering how far you’ve come in life will help put things back in perspective.
As much as we like to wish things were different for ourselves, there is no use having regrets when all that does is make us unhappy with our present state.
At any point in time, you can only control your actions and not those of others, so why waste energy trying?
Focus on the things you can control and let go of what you cannot change
Focusing on things you can control provides more meaning to your life because you are not wasting time on what is outside of your control. As the French proverb goes, “The person who focuses on their problems instead of solving them just creates more problems”.
So next time you’re feeling frustrated about something that isn’t going well, recall what it means to be realistic.
Also, remind yourself that what is happening now will change if you take the initiative and move towards a better future for yourself!
Take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in order to thrive
To thrive and really be confident in your life and be yourself, you need to have everything in balance – starting with your body. Make sure you are getting enough sleep and eating a healthy diet.
If you aren’t exercising regularly, take some time to go for a walk or join a sports league. This will not only make you feel better about yourself but also improve your health and help relieve any stress you are experiencing!
Mental health is key to self-confidence because it helps us figure out solutions to our problems – if we don’t “figure things out”, then how can we know what’s true for ourselves?
Take care of your mental state by surrounding yourself with positive people who lift you up instead of bringing you down; remove the negative influences in your life (or avoid them altogether) such as drama queens or gossipers. Don’t forget to do things that you enjoy as well! For example, I like to play video games and listen to music when I’m feeling stressed out – find what works for you and use it!
Emotionally, we need to take care of ourselves so that we are not allowing others to “run us over”. Have a healthy sense of self-respect without being an outright egotist; don’t stand for yourself by insulting or hurting others in the process.
Find your balance between giving people all your attention (which is important) while also taking some time for yourself. By putting ourselves first sometimes, we can gain confidence from knowing we didn’t lose our sanity! It’s okay if you fall off the bandwagon every now and then, but just know that it’s important to get back on track.
Finally, spiritually we need to find our purpose and meaning in life – you can do this by relaxing into the flow of things instead of always pushing yourself towards a goal or “must-do” list. Just be aware that it can help with self-confidence to have some sort of religious belief in something because this will provide comfort when the going gets tough (and it will).
By knowing your place in the world and how your actions affect others, you’ll feel more confident that what you are doing is right for yourself as well as others.
if you want to know how to count on yourself, you need to know yourself and be aware of your values. Understand that you are not alone and you need to practice self-compassion. You can’t have a healthy relationship with others if you don’t take care of the one thing in life that is truly yours—yourself! Self-love isn’t selfish; it’s an investment in who we are as people because when we love ourselves, we’re better able to do what needs doing and make good decisions for our lives.
We hope this blog has helped put into perspective why counting on oneself is so important.
Do you want to know what are possible obstacles in achieving goals? Check Out this post to learn more.
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