How To Calm Someone Down From Anger?

How To Calm Someone Down From Anger

Bring anger and pride under your feet, turn them into a ladder and climb higher


This post is about how, in life, we should handle anger and help our loved ones to deal with it too. This post is also about our search to find ways to bring peace among ourselves.

It is normal to be angry. It is also quite common now to have a heated discussion with your colleagues, partners and even with your children. During my career, it has happened a lot of time that my colleagues had disagreements with me and with each other. Such heated arguments often get into angry reactions.

But there is always someone, a boss, a senior colleague, an older friend to mediate and calm things down.

I am sure you must have found yourself in such situations too where you had to mediate between two persons engaged in a heated discussion and getting angry at each other.

Well, if you want to know how to calm someone down from anger and help them restore to normalcy, I am going to share with you evidence-based strategies to help you to calm down someone angry.

When we face someone angry, we are normally the target of the words they hurl at us, or if things boil up too much, another person can get physical too. In either case, we either respond with silence or reply with words or the reciprocal physical action. Either way, nothing works to escalate the situation down and find a peaceful exit from the situation.

One thing we must realize is that the anger is an emotion and like all emotions, it peaks and then gets down to the normal level. What makes things worse, however, is if we sustain such anger over a longer period without expressing it.

A lot of us either suppress it or vent it out on a partner, colleague, child or even neighbours. But this is not a way to deal with a situation which requires a little bit of calm and composed approach to not only control your own anger but to help others calm down too.

So, if you want to help yourself and others truly, you need to learn how to calm someone down from anger and that someone could be you also. Here are some tips for you to help cool down the situation:

how to calm someone down from anger

How to Calm Someone down from anger?

One of the essential things to de-escalate things and help people to calm down it to be a good listener. It is absolutely must to be patient and listen to what others have to say. Jumping in with irrational arguments can make things worse. So our first tip is

Be A Good Listener

Probably the most important thing when de-escalating an angry situation is to listen patiently. Listening is probably one of the finest arts; most of us don’t know. We haven’t developed the emotional maturity and intelligence to learn to let go of our thoughts and emotions and listen.

If you truly want to understand and learn the skill of how to calm someone down from anger, you need to learn to be a good listener. Without being a good listener, it is almost next to impossible to intervene and help people to calm down and be in control of the situation.

I have seen a lot of situations in my life where a lot of us do not have the patience and the will to remain silent. Our urge to speak and counterattack sometimes become so high that we lose control of the situation.

In my personal experience, listening to what others have to say and also have the patience to listen is key. It would help if you were patient enough to make sure that you remain under control.

Learn to Ignore the Words

It takes a little bit of practice and emotional understanding to learn how to ignore the words. The words being spoken during the anger bout are always negative and may hurt our ego.

In such a situation, it is quite difficult to ignore words which hurt us more than helping us. But if we take those words as words, things can simplify to a great extent.

Many times, it happened in my life that I misunderstood a lot of things. The words spoken were spoken in a different context, but I was not able to properly comprehend their true meaning. I m sure you must have faced such situation too where you have reacted to words which you clearly misunderstood initially.

In such situations, it is always advisable to be silent and learn to ignore the words.

Now ignoring the words can be difficult because we are not conditioned to remain silent when our ego is hurt. But with time and practice, one can develop this skill and be more in control.

Understand the Emotional State of the Person

Anger is an emotion, and understanding emotions is an important skill most of us must learn. When you consider every action or reaction a direct result of someone’s emotional behaviour, you will learn to be more accommodative and willing to listen.

Most of us do not have control over our emotions. Controlling emotions is mostly beyond our control, but with time, we can develop this ability to understand the emotions better.

Understanding emotions can help de-escalate things easily and provide a valid reason to be more in control of the situation. If you react to someone’s anger without realizing or assessing their emotional state, you are going to get carried away with the emotions too.

This makes thing worse and makes things beyond either party’s control. So to calm someone down from anger, learn to understand that anger is an emotion and it could be the result of other emotional accumulation also.

Emotion Labeling

Another important step one can take in a process to calming someone down is to use emotion labelling. A lot of people do not understand how important it is to be told that they are angry, frustrated or in depression. Effectively labelling such emotions and telling people the state they are going through can bring in a lot of relief.

For example, a colleague or a friend may complain to you about their personal problems or like how they are being treated by their partners. To deescalate such a situation, a good first step is always to label such emotions.

Specifically telling another person that they are angry and offering a reason for their anger can easily calm things down.

The overall idea is to offer the emotional validation to the person’s emotions and provide them with a reason to rethink about the situation they are in. By offering a strong reason through emotion, labelling can greatly reduce anger.

So, if you want to understand how to calm someone down from anger, you need to make sure that your own emotions are under control and that you are patient enough to reason out things with other people to calm her down.


I am Adnan- Founder of Tiny Rumi. This blog is an effort to share my journey to live a more satisfying life and to help others find the wisdom to improve their experience.

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